It' s kinda great

...that I don't have many readers up here. Because if I would, then I'd always think too much before writing something down. And I'd probably become scared to express my thoughts.
I guess I still have to learn how to be more confident 'bout myself.
Now I'll go dreaming about my dream house.

Have a great rainy night!

ssshhhsiznzzntinizazt

I'm a mess right now.
I've been just waiting for a friend to talk. 'Cause today was ....lame. Man I hate this day. Shiznit it's Wednesday. It kinda feels like a Tuesday.
Maan, I can't even think of today! I beome nervous in a second.
Right now I'm listening Eddie Vedder... And it doesn't help. Never think this could happen.
Well, at least one person was nice today. Never thought that after 2 months of knowing each other someone is willing to drive you near home just so you wouldn't have to wait for a train.
I guess there's still hope.

Good Night my little monsters if you're reading this!

my starving heart has been thinking

Imagine two people who once loved each other. And now they don't.
Is it possible that they still care for one another? Even though it seems they don't?
Or does love just fades out into nothing? 'cause if it does - then we live in a pretty screwed up world.

Imagine again. Those two didn't spent much time together. But those little moments when they did were unforgettable. That is what connects them. And no matter what happens, how many years pass by or how they change, those moments stay. And only because of those moments love does not fade out into nothing. I'm sure. I'm sure they still care.
Well, I do not know how do we call this feeling. But it doesn't matter. The feeling is there. No matter how small it is.

It seems that our world isn't so srcewed up after all...

And now I know. Memories aren't fragile.
Memories keeps us together.
Don't forget that.

saying I don't care

I just got so darn inspired by some vlogger today that I just had to create a new post by myself. And yeah, I do miss english. And recently someone has told me, that all I've wrote here for a few past months or so, is just sadness? I could say so... But that sure doesn't mean that I'm sad all the time (though I have my moments of sadness every once in a while) - it's just that I do not waste time thinking 'bout myself and my problems (plus writing that problems down) when I'm happy. The thing is - when I feel good I also automatically feel like being productive. And then I go drawing, studying, playing, vacuuming, brushing my hair etc. Oh, I also love to polish my nails =D Just for the sake of colouring. Well, that explains why I don't write "happiness". Oh, and I forgot to mention - I am NOT sad today =D (though I felt depressed for a few moments while walking across Drava - but doesn't matter)
Maaaaan it feels good to write in english again!! (please, be gentle with comments about my grammar - I know it's not perfect... But doesn't imperfection makes perfection perfect?!! =D - okay, that doesn't make any sense...)
However, I'm strangely confused and happy and satisfied today. And the thing that makes this great is, that I shouldn't be satisfied with myself but I still am. =D I just have one of those days when I simply don't care. And, yes - the world is better when you don't care. And when I remember wednesdays rehearsal for a school play, it makes me laugh. Man, I was stupid =D And until I decided to go home from that rehearsal (because it was pointless to stay - there was just 4 of us (out of I don't really know how many students))  I really tried  to act "not-stupid". And it went well... Until I stepped out of the door. And the door were almost closed. Then an asisstant for materials (who also participates in our play) had to make sure, that he remembered my name... "Aleksandra, right?" (And I only put my head through the door): "Yeah, That's me - Aleksandra." And then he (how kindly of him) reminded me, that we will see again tomorrow. And I was like: "Oh, we will????"
And yes, we did see again the next day - we had practice for materials with him.
But that's not what it went in a "stupid-direction". The thing is - I became soooo confused (of course, because I didn't have a clue about that practice) that I didn't just say "Goodbye everyone, see you next time" (which would be apropriate).. NO... I said goodbye like 3 (or more) times (probably I wasn't sure if everyone heard me..) And just before I closed the door, I also said "Goodnight". I SAID GOODNIGHT AT 6 in the afternoon! (as if students go to sleep at 8...) Well, I instantly began to feel awkward, so I closed that damn door, and ran down the stairs.
Well... When I think of that moment of confusion, I smile. =) Yep, that's me...a confused creature.
We did have another meeting for play today. And I was late (of course...) Everyone was already sitting in a nice half-circle (is that even a word?). And I just sat down at the back of everyone. And I wasn't really talkative (not in a way I can be). And now I think that everyone probably thinks I'm just shy as hell and quiet as hell and....... However I think that they think I'm boring. That I'm lame.
But as I said before!!! =D I don't care.

Uuuu I don't care what you think as long as it's about me. The best of us can find happiness in misery. =D (That's what Patrick (Fall Out Boy-Patrick) sings in a song (well who knew!) I don't care.
Hmmm... I could put a video in here. Well, there you go! Enjoy.